How do you know if you are ready?   Let me ask you this… If your ex refuses to get back together with you, are you going to be okay with that?  Or are you going to be devastated?  If you are leaning towards the latter then you’re probably not ready.  If you are prepared for the worst case scenario and are okay with it (even though you won’t be happy) then you’ve got enough emotional control to execute your plan to win your ex back.

There are two of you to consider when you decide to get your ex back.  Remember that both of you need to be in agreement or else you would just be stalking or annoying the hell out of your ex.  Spend some time with them as friends and try to figure out what they think of the idea.

If everything works out and your ex is on the same page about getting back together, you should have no problems figuring that out from spending time with them.   However there’s also the possibility that they may not be ready to entertain the idea.  In this case, give it sometime and let things settle more.  Whatever you do, don’t use pressure tactics!  You’ll only drive them away!

Once it is mutually decided that you two want to get back together, you should plan to do a lot of talking.  Whatever it was that led to the breakup needs to be resolved before you two can truly move on.  Don’t avoid doing this or your efforts to win your ex back will be wasted and fully futile.  As long as the original conditions that led to your breakup exists, getting back together most likely will lead to another breakup.  If you can eliminate these conditions, it would be much safer for both of you to consider getting back together.

You should ask yourself at this point, do you really want to get back together?  Are you comfortable with the whole thing?  Is there a nagging voice nagging you?  There’s nothing wrong with mulling over the idea for a few days before you take action.  Don’t jump into anything if you are not comfortable.  There’s probably a reason why you feel that way.

Just remember that sometimes it is better not to open closed doors.  Ultimately, you and your ex needs to come to the decision together through civil conversation.  On your side, listen to your heart!  It knows what’s best for you!

I’m not saying you should roll over and play dead.  But instead, learn to diffuse the fight.  I don’t mean walk away, run away or ignore the other person.  I mean learn to recognize that the current situation is leading to a shouting match and tell yourself that “I need to put my anger aside for now and not fuel the fire”.  This is one of the hardest things to do, because in the heat of the moment, you’re running on instinct and you may not recognize that the situation is getting out of hand until it’s too late.

Let’s say you do manage to put your own anger aside.  What does that do for you?  By not fueling the fire and using a calm voice to continue the conversation, you prevent putting the other person on the defensive.  If you are calm but the other person is not calming down, do something unexpected.  It might also make them laugh if you do it right and lighten the situation (but don’t be a clown! they might think you are making fun of them).

Once you’ve diffused the situation, have a calm conversation with your lover on the topic that led to the fight.  You may find that as you progress through the conversation, more anger comes up, just keep yourself calm and when you recognize that your lover is starting to get angry again, just remind them how much progress you two are making by staying calm.

Another important aspect to this technique is you need to show that you are listening.  Paraphrasing your understanding of what they are saying will help show that you are listening and that you are putting the effort in to understanding their side of the story.  Be very careful here.  You need to make sure you understand their side and paraphrase correctly to show that you do indeed understand.  If you start paraphrasing and the other person interprets that you didn’t understand them at all, this could back fire.  Often what happens is that we have an image in our head of what the other person is trying to say, and we paraphrase our preconceptions instead of what they are actually trying to tell us.  Don’t put your brain on cruise control at this point! Pay attention!

The important thing to remember is that when fights happen, we all react defensively to protect egos even if we deny we have one.  Create an environment where you and your lover’s egos are not at risk, and you will find that you can resolve almost any situation that arises in your relationship.

Are you still finding that even though you and your ex have started talking that you’re not connecting?

Or…

Still can’t get your ex to even pick up your calls, reply to your emails, or text messages?

Or…

You’re both hanging on to the pain from your past relationship and can’t seem to move on from it?

Here’s what you will find in the Magic of Making Up system

1. Clean Slate Method!

Learn how to wipe the slate clean with your ex so the past stays in the past and you can both move on.

2. Learn to instantly reconnect and bond with your ex even if you have been apart for awhile.

Learn to use the same principles behind Stockholm Syndrome (where prisoners fall in love with or bond with their kidnappers/oppressors) to help you win back your ex.

3. Techniques to show you how to recapture the romance with your ex!

AND Much Much more….

Chapter Overview

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended (And Why It’s Not Over Just Yet)
Find out what men and women want and why your relationship isn’t yet over.

Chapter 2: Don’t Panic – Your Key to Winning Back Their Love (Getting Your Head On Straight)
One of the key concepts to winning your lover back.

Chapter 3: Removing the Splinter in Your Relationship (Where Do You Stand?)
Important! Find out what went wrong and where to go from here.

Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark of Passion and Desire (The Plan)
The plan to make yourself desirable again to your ex.

Chapter 5: Dates and Lovers – How Other People Can Actually Bring You Back Together With Your Ex
You won’t believe it until you read this chapter about why dating other people can help you get your lover back.

Chapter 6: Easing Back Into Your Relationship to Solidify Your Love
The steps to getting back into a relationship with your ex. This is quite important.

Chapter 7:Maintaining the Fun and Love Without Dredging Up Old Wounds and Arguments
Shows you how you can keep the relationship and stop further break ups from occuring.

Chapter 8: When Your Relationship Can’t Be Saved – Moving On With Grace
The only reasons why your relationship can’t be saved and what you can do instead.

Want more?

T Dub (the author) will even provide you with his email address for people who have purchased the system so they can get advice from him directly!  How much does your therapist cost?

Just imagine!

You click on the link below to goto the magic of making up website.  You diligently study the techniques presented in the system, and a week or two from now, you and your ex are cuddling on the couch just like you did when you two first met.

Is your ex worth it?

Take me to see the Magic of Making Up System NOW!!!

If you are preoccupied with getting them back and are completely down on yourself, your chances of winning them back are pretty slim.  So if you intend to win back their hearts, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and become that person they first fell in love with but make yourself just a notch better then you were.

Cut yourself off! (aka: stop stalking)

So do the exact opposite of what you want to do right now.  Cut yourself off from your ex!  Stop the bombardment of text messages! Stop showing up in places where you expect them to be!  Stop leaving him/her voicemails!  Stalkerish behavior will only drive them further away.  Instead cut yourself off from them for now.  Give them their space so that they can remember the good times and start missing you in their life.

Let the genie out of the bottle exercise

Chances are right now you have a lot you want to say to your ex.  Don’t call your ex right now, but instead take out a piece of paper and write a long letter to your ex.  Write down everything you want to say to them,  the good times, the bad, the hurt you are experiencing.  Let it all out on paper!  Then take the piece of paper and burn it, tear it up, or whatever way feels good! Destroy the letter!  This way of expressing your bottled up emotions will make you feel a whole lot better and ligther!  BUT!!! Whatever you do, DO NOT send this letter to your ex especially if you intend to get them back.  If you think of more you want to say to them or feel as though you are bottling up your feelings about your ex, repeat this exercise!

You version 2 (a better you)

Now it’s time to begin working on yourself.  If you really want them back, you cannot be in your current negative, depressive state.   Do you think you have any chances getting them back if you are negative and are surrounded by negativity.

First step in creating a better you is to remove as much as possible all the negativity in your life!  For example stop your friends and yourself from talking badly about your ex and stay positive in other areas of your life.  Go take a gym class, or organize a picnic with your friends.  Re-establishing social support can make a world of difference to becoming happy about yourself after a breakup.   If you get asked out on a date by someone else and the only reason you have to not go is because you feel like you shouldn’t… just go on the date!  It’s a date not a marriage proposal.  It will help you feel wanted and further add to your confidence level.  More often then not, you will seem more attractive to nearly everyone when you are “in demand” including and sometimes especially your ex.

Work on your strengths and develop them to another level.  This will help you redevelope confidence in yourself.  If your ex commented on how good a cook you are, maybe it’s time to take a cooking class to take your cooking skills to another level.  In addition to further developing your strengths, work on your weaknesses as well.  If you tend to be a messy person, perhaps it’s time to start learning how to stay clean and tidy!

When you are back in communication with your ex, such self-improvements will shine through everything that you do with them.  Your efforts to better yourself will remind them of the things they loved about you.

The new you and the new relationship

As you become more and more positive in your life, your ex will see more and more of what made him/her fall in love with you in the first place, they will start seeing you as a desirable catch that they let get away.  Take advantage of this!  This little leverage you’ve gained can be the most valuable asset you have to getting them back into your life.  But remember!  The relationship that ended with the breakup has ended!  Whatever you do now with you ex whether you have resparked the love or if it’s just friendship is a new relationship.  Don’t bring any unnecessary baggage into your new relationship with them.  If you do you might just repeat the past.

You are probably finding yourself drifting deeper and deeper into a depressive state and feel the urge to call your ex growing stronger and stronger.  Well Don’t!  You’re emotions will betray you as soon as you hear their voice!  That is if they even answer the call.  Think how you would feel if they don’t pickup or they just hang up on you.  Worse yet, what if they start talking, what are you going to say?  How long do you think you can keep a level head before your emotions take over.  Chances are as soon as your emotions take over, you will probably drive your ex further away if not permanently.

So what should you do you ask again?

Take a step back and then do exactly the opposite of what your urges tell you.  Don’t call them and don’t crawl into a hole and cry!

Step 1: Accept the breakup.

First and foremost is to accept that the break up is happening.  Tell your ex that you are okay with it and allow the moving on process to being.  By doing this, it gives both of you time to regain a level head and eliminate the stress and tension of the breakup.  You both need time to re-evaluate your relationship and consider your options. If your ex realizes that he or she still loves you, they will find their way back to you.

Step 2:  Stay away!

Don’t contact your ex!  This may seem counter-intuitive, but by cutting off all communication you are signaling that you have already moved on and that you are doing just fine!  It also gives you the needed “thinking time” to re-evaluate your feelings for your ex and gives your ex time to think about the relationship and realize how important you are to him/her.  You should also take this time to get out there socially and gain your confidence back.  Do you think you’ll have better chances getting your ex back being depressed or being confident?

Step 3: Have a plan!

Once you’ve completed the two steps mentioned above and regained your level head, you can start working on a plan on when and where you should meet with him/her.  Think about what you want to say before you make contact  When you two meet up, you will get a better idea whether your ex still loves you and if there’s any chance you two can get back together.

Keep it simple

Getting back together with your ex maybe as simple as these three steps but be prepared that it can also be a lot more complicated.  In any case, taking a step back and clearing your head will help you stay cool when you start working on getting him or her back in your life.

R

Regardless of the cause of the breakup the truth is that even if you spend all of your waking moments for the rest of your life analyzing the situation, you are not going to get an answer. First, unless you and your ex still have a very open communication policy, everything you come up with is pure speculation. Second, even if your ex and you are still talking and seem like they are helping you figure it out, chances are they may feel that they need to protect you and you may only be getting half truths.  There’s also the possibility your ex really isn’t clear on what they feel and the only way they can deal with that is to leave.

The reality is that the relationship has failed and you are only torturing yourself by playing over everything that happened in your head. At some point, you will analyze your analysis and get even more frustrated and depressed. Accept the fact that the relationship as you knew it has ended.  Understand that no amount of dwelling on the past will bring back the past.  The past has already happened and there is nothing you can do to change it.

I’m not saying all hope is lost. There’s still a good possibility that you could win him/her back. However unless you can accept facts as they are and let it go, you will be doomed to repeat all the things that went wrong in your previous relationship with this person.

Instead, if you truly want them back. Give them space to cool off and away from you. This way it gives them some time to miss you and shows that you respect their needs. In the meantime, brush yourself off and remember what it was that made you two fall in love in the first place. Many couples loose sight of the fact that there was something at the beginning that spark the love story. When couples breakup, most don’t remember the good times and only what infuriated them near the end.

Focus on the things that made you attractive to your ex. Show them that side of you that they fell in love with in the first place. It worked the first time didn’t it?

Richard

Looking back and remembering all the times that I have lost love, I remember feeling as though the world was coming to an end. But I also remember that no matter how bad it got, another day would come and eventually I would pull through to find another soul to love. Each relationship has it’s purpose in our lives in shaping who we are. When that purpose is fulfilled, the relationship must end. Think of it as relationship school where each relationship teaches you how to be in a relationship. With each new relationship, we learn more and more about how to love someone and be with someone.

When relationship breakup, often our first response is the get that relationship back. Sometimes, this instinct is not actually out of love, but out of comfort and fear. We fear that we will be alone and we were comfortable in our relationship even though it has ran it’s course.

I would suggest to you, that you accept the fact that you have lost your relationship. That relationship will never come back because it has ended. It is only after accepting this that we can truly decide whether it is a good idea to attempt a new relationship with that person.

I know you are thinking that “it’s easy for me to say”. But take some time and try to accept the situation. Stop dwelling on the pain and agony and trying to figure out what went wrong. At this point, does it really help you to torture yourself over questions that could never be truly answered by anyone?

At some point, the light will go on, and you have accepted the situation as it is. It is in this moment that we know whether a new relationship can begin with this person. If this is the person you are meant to be with, you will feel that it is right to begin planning how you are going to win back your love.

So take some time for yourself. Stop trying to make contact with him/her, they need the space just as much as you need it to clear your head. The space may also work in your advantage when they start to miss you.

Richard

When you are calm, collected, come up with a game plan for how you want to get your ex back.  When you’ve done this, use the following technique to get your ex to answer your calls.

First let’s look at voicemails that most likely won’t work and will probably work against you.

“Hi John, please call me! This is the third time I’ve called! Please call me back!  I need to TALK to you!”

What’s wrong with this message?  They didn’t call you the first three times, do you really think sounding more desperate will get them to call?

Or this one…

“Jen, This is an emergency!  Can you call me when you get this?”

You’ve just lied to start with.  Second, is there really anything you can say when they do call?

So what should you do?

First you have to remember that above all else, humans are naturally curious.  When someone is curious about something, there’s a compulsion that overrides most rational decisions in order to find an answer.  Second, self-interest drives motivation.

Combine these two powerful forces and your ex won’t be able to resist the urge to return your call.  So how do we do this?

Try this message…

In a friendly tone: “Hey Mark, I want to let you know I appreciate what you did for me.  Call me because I would really like to thank you in person.”

Right here you’ve peaked their curiosity because first the tone of this message is not what they are expecting;  they are wondering what they did and can’t resist the urge the find out; and third, you made them feel good.  Receiving messages of thanks always make people feel good.

Of course, this exact message won’t work with everyone.  Be creative and think about what you appreciate the most about your ex.  Don’t just make anything up.  It needs to be plausible.  It also needs to be something that you can continue the conversation with when they do call you back!  The key here is that you need to have a strategy before making contact.  Otherwise you are planning to fail.  Without a plan you may get flustered and react poorly, further straining your relationship with your ex.

Need to help developing your strategy?  Take a look at MakeupMagic to learn more about using reverse psychology in your favor and get your ex back today!

Richard