If you have just found yourself suddenly single, you may also suddenly see yourself in such a negative light that you can’t remember those qualities in you that originally attracted them into your life. Instead the only thing you are focused on right now is “how to get him/her back”. Breakups don’t happen suddenly. It only appears that way to the person being dumped because they may not have seen it coming. Often the other party had been thinking about that for a while because they can’t see or remember those things about you that brought them into your life in the first place.
If you are preoccupied with getting them back and are completely down on yourself, your chances of winning them back are pretty slim. So if you intend to win back their hearts, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and become that person they first fell in love with but make yourself just a notch better then you were.
Cut yourself off! (aka: stop stalking)
So do the exact opposite of what you want to do right now. Cut yourself off from your ex! Stop the bombardment of text messages! Stop showing up in places where you expect them to be! Stop leaving him/her voicemails! Stalkerish behavior will only drive them further away. Instead cut yourself off from them for now. Give them their space so that they can remember the good times and start missing you in their life.
Let the genie out of the bottle exercise
Chances are right now you have a lot you want to say to your ex. Don’t call your ex right now, but instead take out a piece of paper and write a long letter to your ex. Write down everything you want to say to them, the good times, the bad, the hurt you are experiencing. Let it all out on paper! Then take the piece of paper and burn it, tear it up, or whatever way feels good! Destroy the letter! This way of expressing your bottled up emotions will make you feel a whole lot better and ligther! BUT!!! Whatever you do, DO NOT send this letter to your ex especially if you intend to get them back. If you think of more you want to say to them or feel as though you are bottling up your feelings about your ex, repeat this exercise!
You version 2 (a better you)
Now it’s time to begin working on yourself. If you really want them back, you cannot be in your current negative, depressive state. Do you think you have any chances getting them back if you are negative and are surrounded by negativity.
First step in creating a better you is to remove as much as possible all the negativity in your life! For example stop your friends and yourself from talking badly about your ex and stay positive in other areas of your life. Go take a gym class, or organize a picnic with your friends. Re-establishing social support can make a world of difference to becoming happy about yourself after a breakup. If you get asked out on a date by someone else and the only reason you have to not go is because you feel like you shouldn’t… just go on the date! It’s a date not a marriage proposal. It will help you feel wanted and further add to your confidence level. More often then not, you will seem more attractive to nearly everyone when you are “in demand” including and sometimes especially your ex.
Work on your strengths and develop them to another level. This will help you redevelope confidence in yourself. If your ex commented on how good a cook you are, maybe it’s time to take a cooking class to take your cooking skills to another level. In addition to further developing your strengths, work on your weaknesses as well. If you tend to be a messy person, perhaps it’s time to start learning how to stay clean and tidy!
When you are back in communication with your ex, such self-improvements will shine through everything that you do with them. Your efforts to better yourself will remind them of the things they loved about you.
The new you and the new relationship
As you become more and more positive in your life, your ex will see more and more of what made him/her fall in love with you in the first place, they will start seeing you as a desirable catch that they let get away. Take advantage of this! This little leverage you’ve gained can be the most valuable asset you have to getting them back into your life. But remember! The relationship that ended with the breakup has ended! Whatever you do now with you ex whether you have resparked the love or if it’s just friendship is a new relationship. Don’t bring any unnecessary baggage into your new relationship with them. If you do you might just repeat the past.
